Since the beginning of 2020 until just recently, I had always been trying my best to adapt to the “new” life style which everyone was pretty much forced to accept by reality. However, every time when I attempted to get my things together, it just seemed like a waste of efforts- to be frank, I was just lost.
Before the start of DPS, I was drowned in a state of constant procrastination and unmotivated mindset, in which almost nothing was completed. The ambitions and goals that I had set for myself were all thrown into the bin for no good reason. To understand the roots of this negativity that suddenly appeared after the global reset, I decided to take a good analysis before moving into the actions for DPS.
Firstly, I was suddenly forced to focus on myself all the time. I believe this had never happened to me, as in staying at home and eating meals alone almost 24/7. Therefore, my mind just went “error 404” after a long “self-care” routine and not much interaction with others through physical meet-ups due to quarantine. Secondly, It was not very natural for the brain to just accept a completely digital lifestyle, as all kinds of information fluidly passes by your sight constantly. I was intrigued in every piece of online information and let myself freely delve in the deep sea of internet for too long, so I believe these were the two main reasons why I became unmotivated for anything.
However, while I was thinking that all the issues were found and I could start tackling them down, another major problem came across my mind- what do I want for this DPS year, or, in other words, what is the purpose of my life/career? The question shook me and left me in doubts, since I was and still am unsure of the real purpose of my life, but I soon was relieved by encountering an opportunity that was quite unexpected.
I was invited to co-found a start-up company for creating an app that helps people to achieve goals and dreams, in other words, it acts as a tool to keep track of the journey of goal achievements. The ideology of my friends was very interesting to me, so I gladly joined the team and after almost half a year of complete isolation, I was finally able to have meaningful Microsoft Teams calls and feeling involved with a well-planned project. My motivations and spirits seem to be revived through the work communications and chats about ideologies and philosophies. I am very grateful of this opportunity which before covid-19 I would have never experienced at all. I started to understand that the journey of finding my true purpose is a gradual process and a reboot might take a lot of time and energy as well.
From the help of friends and this experience, I felt that I was more prepared to undertake this DPS year (but still nervous). The thought of restarting my creative journey is both scary and exciting, as for the former I am reluctant to failures and for the latter I guess it is normal for any creatives. So to conquer this fear for failures, I decided to begin my year with a SIP and live brief instead. I believe that this project would help me to gain more confidence in the later applications to internships. Furthermore, I began reading books related to design philosophies and social issues, which I believe could help as a guide for finding my true purpose, and be more prepared when failures or rejections come. Just as one of the DPS students said in a weekly session, “rejection is a form of redirction”, and I 100% agree with this.
After all, the rebooting process after this global reset has taken the longest time I had ever expected, and I would say that it is not over at all. I am still rebooting, constantly trying to conquer the past issues that were brought in since the beginning of quarantine, and battling against negative thoughts. Furthermore, I am still in search of my own purpose through this pathway I have chosen. It seems very daunting yet interesting, I guess I will just have to keep going and be brave.
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